Sunday, January 29, 2017

People worth to keep around.

I heard pleasant news, this evening. At last. Someone else's happy news is always a good way to cheer you up; we have no reason not to be happy for other people's happiness (well, unless, they sacrificed you to reach that so-called happiness -sounds familiar, selfish people?). A friend of mine is gonna celebrate his finally-found love, and I'm invited.

So far, there's nothing special with that. People often invite others to celebrate happiness, because that's how they show their gratefulness. But for me, this case is very special. 1) we're close but not that close. I mean, we don't talk everyday, but we can go into deep mode once we talk. 2) it's a private party, there's a good chance I'm not gonna recognize anybody because I'm the only friend he invited. when he asked me that, I told him, wait, what? why me?

and his reply left me speechless.

coz I don't have any closer friend who ever said to me that loving someone means to be ready, not when one feels lonely.

Yes, I said that to him, almost 5 years ago. It was the kind of advice that carelessly came up into my mind while I was listening to his story. I didn't even think about it, I heard it somewhere and relayed it to him. But it surprises me to find out, that once sentence's really gotten into him, for whole 5 years. And now, he's celebrating the result of that advice he once took from me: he finally found the one he truly loves, and he's ready.

It's our nature, to keep people we love around. It's our nature to go after people we love. And most of the times, we're wrong; whether it's unrequited love, or in the end they betrayed you and left you broken so badly. But do we stop? My answer is no. I still put a lot of effort to keep people around, but this time I learned my lesson: I keep people around when I know they're worth to be kept around.

There's no reason not to be kind to others. Yes, they hurt us. Yes, they're becoming the villain in the end. But does it stop you from spreading good vibes to others? I hope it doesn't.

I learned another lesson just by reading his chat to me: my words, no matter how careless they are, sometimes really got into other people so badly. It those were good words I'd be relieved, but if they weren't, I'd regret it. And the other lesson is this: sometimes we're too busy to keep people around, without realizing, we're also worth to be kept around. Sometimes, even God helps us to cut poisonous people out of our lives. And that, in the midst of all this shits, feels nice.


No, I'm not broken hearted. I'm just mourning over the death of someone who's still alive. 

Saturday, January 21, 2017

believe, in yourself.

Social media can be deceiving sometimes. A lot of people think I'm a confident being while in reality, I'm not that confident. I always have this issue; that I'm not good enough. I will always have that issue, I think. Don't we all?

We've been through so many events; so many changes that helped shaped us. Shaped us into a better figure for ourselves. But sometimes, just sometimes, some events may drag us down to our lowest point -even minus, in my case. It's like we're back to square one. We need to be on our full gear just to reach our destination again, and this is what important: our surroundings.

Have you ever been in a society that spreads only negative vibes? I have. And I chose to leave, at the end. They made me such a bitter person, who could talk about nothing else but other people. I turned into a selfish person who thought of no one else but herself. Also, that society I talked about always made me feel bad about myself; especially my body image. So I left.

I tried to accept myself for what I am: I'm not a model, I'm not a public figure, so I don't need to push myself really hard when I gain some weight. The food is still delicious tho; and as long as you're healthy, there's nothing wrong with that number written on the scale. I tried to embrace myself, I let myself wear anything that I didn't really wear before because I wasn't confident enough -old clothes. I used to hate it when people said I looked like a grandma, but now I kinda like it. I'm one chic grandma :))

And what I'm really grateful of is, how God put me in a right place; I'm surrounded with people who believe in me, love me for what I am, even when I don't. I got this text from my best friend today and I was in tears just by reading this. Isn't this all we need? To have people who believe in us, no matter how messy our lives have become. No matter how many mistakes we made. If we're lucky enough, God will kindly send us angels without wings, the ones who will support us no matter what happen.

We need this kind of people. And we also need to be one.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

City of Stars, are you shining just for me?

picture was taken from here

I love the idea of being in love.
Human's nature is to love; whether it's a person or inanimate objects.
And as for me, it's been a while since I fall in love. Finally it happened again.
But no, I'm not ready to fall in love with a person. This time, it's a movie :)
p.s (I watched this 3 times already :p)

La La Land.
Two people, falling in love with each other. The first meeting, the first kiss, the moment they realized this is what they've been looking for,
and the ending.
What started out like a fantasy, turned out to be 100% real.

Some people are meant not to stay in our lives. Some are meant to shape, to help us build the stairway, to support, to hurt, to stab. Some are meant to stay just for a little while. But the most incredible thing is, out of millions people in this world, one person wants to spend the rest of his/her life with you. Isn't that amazing? Mia, is one lucky girl.

But I'm more on the Seb's side.

Stuck in the city full of memories; have to watch the person I used to love the most had a happy ending with another person (at least Seb doesn't hate Mia tho lol). He's content with being alone at the end, and that smile he gave to Mia... I know how that feels. I know.

I'm not gonna spoil anything about this movie, but just a warning, if you're not a fan of a cheesy, artsy movie, you won't like this. And also, if you prefer the 'usual' ending, this movie isn't for you.

But seriously, this movie is gold.
I think I'm gonna watch this again soon :))

Monday, January 16, 2017

what is the purpose of your existence?

The Creator always has astonishing ways to answer your questions.
He talks to you through so many sort of things. He can answer you as simple as tagline on a billboard you pass everyday. He can answer you through other people. Sometimes, He talks directly to you, you just have to listen very carefully, not with your ears tho, but with your heart.

"What matters to you, it matters to Me."

What is the purpose of your existence? To just live? To go to school, graduate, find a job, find a spouse, get married, have children, live happily ever after? What else?

I asked Him so many things. I whined, most of the time. I told Him I'm not strong enough, I cannot handle this. He told me to just sit still but I didn't listen. The more I struggle, the more painful it gets. So that's it, that's what He wants all along. For me to just sit still, down on my knees.

The whole process is going to be a pain in the ass, even more than that, I know. I'm still way down the road; this is gonna be painful for a lil' while. This sword is gonna stay there, for a little while. Before I can finally pull it out, and use it to slay every obstacles in front of me.

Yes, the memories still strike like thunder, everytime. It can happen anytime, anywhere, without any notice, and it kills me. It's like I die everyday but I'm still somehow alive, just to be killed again the next day but I come back alive again. This is practically hell on earth. But all that I know is to call His name everytime the memories try to kill me. Just to shout it all out, down on my knees, crying if necessary. And He's gonna make me okay again.

But then, I'm not gonna let this prevent me from reaching victory. I shouldn't let anyone hurt me. Even if I do it, I'd do it for my own good. To let me move on; to let me have my peace, and the victory I should've got from the very beginning.

But seriously tho, surrender is one good thing. I'm serene now, since He's got me. He still gets me after all this time; even after my thoughts of leaving Him. The way He didn't want to let me go, made me realize: I must've been made for bigger things.

So, what is the purpose of your existence?

Thursday, January 5, 2017

The other one

Here, are the two girls you hurt the most
But one you will mend;
And one you left behind in pieces.
Two girls you love
But one you will marry;
And one you threw in the dump.
Two girls who love you deeply;
But only one who can forgive you for what you've done.
And the other one?

She tried to continue life with shattered pieces,
Not even forgiving herself for making such mistakes.

And I will always be
The other one.

Sunday, January 1, 2017