Monday, January 16, 2017

what is the purpose of your existence?

The Creator always has astonishing ways to answer your questions.
He talks to you through so many sort of things. He can answer you as simple as tagline on a billboard you pass everyday. He can answer you through other people. Sometimes, He talks directly to you, you just have to listen very carefully, not with your ears tho, but with your heart.

"What matters to you, it matters to Me."

What is the purpose of your existence? To just live? To go to school, graduate, find a job, find a spouse, get married, have children, live happily ever after? What else?

I asked Him so many things. I whined, most of the time. I told Him I'm not strong enough, I cannot handle this. He told me to just sit still but I didn't listen. The more I struggle, the more painful it gets. So that's it, that's what He wants all along. For me to just sit still, down on my knees.

The whole process is going to be a pain in the ass, even more than that, I know. I'm still way down the road; this is gonna be painful for a lil' while. This sword is gonna stay there, for a little while. Before I can finally pull it out, and use it to slay every obstacles in front of me.

Yes, the memories still strike like thunder, everytime. It can happen anytime, anywhere, without any notice, and it kills me. It's like I die everyday but I'm still somehow alive, just to be killed again the next day but I come back alive again. This is practically hell on earth. But all that I know is to call His name everytime the memories try to kill me. Just to shout it all out, down on my knees, crying if necessary. And He's gonna make me okay again.

But then, I'm not gonna let this prevent me from reaching victory. I shouldn't let anyone hurt me. Even if I do it, I'd do it for my own good. To let me move on; to let me have my peace, and the victory I should've got from the very beginning.

But seriously tho, surrender is one good thing. I'm serene now, since He's got me. He still gets me after all this time; even after my thoughts of leaving Him. The way He didn't want to let me go, made me realize: I must've been made for bigger things.

So, what is the purpose of your existence?


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