Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Stay.


I was a dreamer; and I'm glad I still am. Eventhough I've been off of my track for almost 5 years; but in the end I'm back and I'm grateful for that.

We all have been there: we were willing to lose our identity for someone else. In the name of love. We're willing to change a lot about ourselves, and in the end of the day we'd look into the mirror and we asked that reflection we saw: who are you?

I used to be a big dreamer; I was a total kid at heart. I imagined things, I loved fairytale, I believed in people, and I had the kind of optimism that often a lot questioned by the people around me. But then, I met someone. Someone I thought would be a part of my future days, but turned out as a history. Someone I loved so much that I was willing to change anything about myself, to give up time so I could be with him longer, to exchange literally anyone with him. I've been off of my track for so long I no longer recognize who I actually was.

And slow but sure, I realized; I changed.

I didn't have the spark I used to have, I became a bitter, pesimist (or I would call realistic at that time) and ignorant. Everything was about him that I practically replaced anyone, even God, with him. I changed. I didn't have a lot of friends left, I parted ways with my sister (not sister by blood, tho, but she's as good as). I sacrificed a lot, if not everything. But people said our relationship was a goal, because it looked good. And yes it did look good, it was good as well. But why settle for good?

And in the end, he dumped me and he found my replacement in seconds. Just like that. The so-called good relationship faded away like smokes.

My whole world collapsed; I can't even describe it. The evil thought creeped in and I almost gave in. But you know what? I'm still as lucky as ever; because people I used to edge out of my life, they STAY. They didn't go anywhere. As fast as my world got collapsed they were there to catch me. They helped me to get up; to be back on the right track. It hurts to remember how much I wounded them back then; by ignoring them. While they could only watch me went outside my track, but they didn't leave. And they're there when I need them. They stay the way they were; their love for me, stay the same.

Long story short, now I'm here. Still a long way to go from fully healed but I'm much better now; thanks to those who had been staying just for me.

And the most beautiful things in the midst of all this storm, is this: I found myself. The old me, the lost me, she didn't go anywhere. She stayed there, waiting for me to find her again. I gained my old spark, if not brighter; The kid inside my heart, she stays there. And she's still as imaginative as ever.

Sometimes, stay changes everything. Even when you see people you love leaving you, you see the world is changing from where you stand, just stay, for a little while. Sometimes, universe is kind enough to tell you, what you should do next. Stay and rest a little bit longer to find out the answer. And for me, walking forward is always the best answer. Everything that becomes a history to you, is meant to stay behind you.

Those who chose to stay for me, changed me into a better person. And I can't thank them enough for that, I can only do the exact same things: I will stay for them, too.

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