Wednesday, April 26, 2017

the way I fall -in love.

Malam ini entah kenapa, rasanya bahagia sekali. Seperti orang yang sedang jatuh cinta -atau memang iya?
Entahlah.
Pernahkah jantungmu berdebar sampai kamu bisa mendengar setiap detakannya? Aku pernah; ini sedang terjadi saat aku menuliskan kalimat ini. Aku bahkan tidak bisa berhenti tersenyum, seharian ini. Tiap aku mendengarkan lagu, rasanya aku tidak bisa mengontrol senyumku.
Sampai aku dibilang gila. Biarlah, lebih baik begini, rasanya luar biasa.
Aku tidak tahu kabarnya hari ini; dia dimana, sedang apa, dengan siapa. Aku tidak tahu. Lebih baik tidak; karena kalau aku tahu, aku makin suka.
Tetapi masalahnya: semakin dia tidak peduli, aku juga semakin suka.
Aku bukan tipe orang yang bisa dengan mudah jatuh cinta dengan orang asing. Kebanyakan orang yang pernah aku jatuh cinta-i adalah orang-orang disekitarku: teman kampus, teman gereja, teman sekolah. Tidak pernah ada orang asing, yang mengajakku berkenalan, lalu membuatku jatuh cinta.
Tapi dia berbeda.
Perkenalan kami aneh; tidak, aku tidak akan menceritakannya, kalau aku cerita dan dia membacanya, matilah aku hahaha. Intinya, dia orang asing bagiku. Aku juga tidak tertarik. Tetapi entah kenapa, lama-lama aku suka.
Lama-lama aku jatuh cinta.
Suaranya, senyumnya; caranya menceritakan hal yang dia kerjakan, dan betapa dia mencintai hal itu. Pelafalan bahasa inggrisnya. Suaranya saat bernyanyi. Tawanya saat menertawakan kebodohanku. Dan, ya, jaket hitam yang dikenakannya waktu itu. Dia tampan sekali, aku sampai susah bernafas.
Aku suka membaca namanya. Aku suka saat mendengar dia memanggilku. Aku suka bagaimana dia bisa membuatku jatuh cinta semudah bernafas -dan tepat disaat aku mengira aku tidak akan bisa jatuh cinta lagi. Aku suka caranya membuatku tersenyum sendiri ketika mendengarkan lagu Elephant Kind yang berjudul Why Did You Have to Go -padahal itu lagu patah hati!
Aku bisa menuliskan ribuan alasan lain, tapi untuk saat ini, cukup. Nanti kalau dia baca, matilah aku.
Aku tidak tahu akan jadi apa perasaan ini, kalaupun ujungnya pintu itu tertutup, aku sudah cukup bahagia bisa jatuh cinta dengannya. Dia sudah memberikan pertolongan yang luar biasa, tanpa dia menyadari itu. Dia bisa membuatku mendengarkan lagu cinta tanpa ada rasa sakit lagi, dia bisa membuatku ingin pergi ke tempat-tempat yang dulunya aku benci, dia bisa membuatku menulis dengan Bahasa -sesuatu yang aku hindari setahun belakangan ini. Dia membantuku bersinar lagi, tanpa dia sadari betapa besar peranannya dalam hidupku.
Kamu mungkin membaca ini, mungkin juga tidak -aku tidak pernah bisa menebakmu. Aku tahu, aku paham, kenapa sekarang kamu diam; kamu tidak ingin sakit dan juga tidak ingin menyakiti. Dan aku sangat menghargai hal itu, yah walaupun, aku makin suka karena itu. Pengertianmu dan pengorbananmu yang luar biasa itu.
Kalau kamu membacanya, aku hanya ingin bilang, terima kasih. Kamu berjasa besar, lebih dari yang kamu tahu. Dan ya, aku masih suka. (Mungkin) akan selalu suka. Kalau aku boleh meminta, aku hanya ingin kamu tinggal di hidupku, walaupun bukan sebagai pencintaku.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Safe Haven.

Pernahkah kamu bertemu seseorang yang coba diambil kematian berkali-kali,
Tapi kamu masih melihatnya bernafas sekarang, tersenyum, tertawa, bahkan menguatkan yang lemah.
Aku pernah; setiap hari, di cermin.
Orang yang di cermin itu, pernah hampir mati. Tiga kali, sepanjang umurnya yang baru akan seperempat abad.
Pertama, dia diajak bunuh diri. Pencabut nyawa sudah menunggu diujung jurang, namun dia tahu dia akan pulang dengan tangan kosong. Anak itu masih terlalu kecil; masa depannya panjang.
Kedua, dia berdarah sampai hampir mati. Pencabut nyawa menunggu lagi, kali ini didepan ruang operasi. Namun dia tahu, lagi-lagi sekarang ini bukan waktunya. Dan dia pergi, walau belum menyerah.
Ketiga, kali ini di kamarnya sendiri. Dengan tangan penuh pil berwarna putih yang siap ditelannya; namun pencabut nyawa itu juga tahu, nyali anak ini tak sebesar tekadnya. Dia pun pulang lagi dengan hampa.
"Tahukah kau, Nak, kau benar-benar menyebalkan.
sampai kapan aku harus bolak-balik menjemputmu, hanya untuk pulang dengan tangan kosong?
Keempat kalinya, aku tidak akan gagal."
Kali ini, sosok di cermin itu tersenyum. Dan dia menjawabnya.
"Kalau begitu, sampai jumpa lagi. Mungkin ini akan jadi perpisahan yang cukup lama, sampai kita bertemu lagi.
Mungkin kamu juga tidak akan mengenali aku lagi,
Karena seluruh rambutku akan memutih.
Kulitku akan keriput, badanku akan mengecil.
Aku juga akan mungkin lupa kalau sudah pernah bertemu denganmu, tiga kali sebelum itu."
Pencabut nyawa itu tersenyum. Sebelum menutup pintu, dia berbalik lagi, dan berkata,
"Aku tahu, kedatanganku akan selalu sia-sia,
Karena semesta terlalu keras kepala; terlalu cinta
Pada kamu yang berulang kali jatuh tapi tetap tegar hatinya.
Percayalah, aku juga tidak suka menjemputmu kalau belum waktunya, karena hanya dengan melihatmupun aku tahu,
Kamu diciptakan untuk hal yang luar biasa."

Aku meninju cermin itu hingga pecah. Tanganku berdarah, tapi aku kuat karenanya. Karena sosok luar biasa di cermin itu, sudah berpindah. Berpindah ke orang yang tangannya berdarah ini.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

People Like You.

I've been stripped down naked to the last bit of my skin;
But still haven't been the answer you're seeking.
If I could, then I would
Bleed out the answer out of my veins just to satisfy your lust
But then I guess you don't deserve people like me
People who stupidly bargaining life just to restrain themselves from being built up
People who believe too much, too often seeing at things
With the innocence of a child
Just to be throwing out at a pile of ugly truths, that
Life isn't always as innocent as it may appear at times
Maybe, I don't deserve people like you; who
Crashing into any kind of things that stand in your way of getting what you want
"happiness"
But sometimes, if not most of times,
The things you crash are people's lives; people who later
Have to struggle just to get through another day, trying to live their scarred lives
With hopes that no one would ever destroy them again
But, just like what you already knew
People like us are destined to be destroyed over and over again
To satisfy the lust, of
People like you


I wrote this with an anger; since I've been angry for days. At life, at ignorant people, at things people throwing at each other. At love that we may lose someday, if we keep on behaving this way.
I just hope for better days, and maybe this is the silver lining of people like me,
We don't know how to stop hoping.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Intertwined.


Skin
Heat
Hair in your mouth
Feet touching feet

Oh you
And I
Safe from the world
Though the world will try

Oh, I'm afraid of the things in my brain
But we can stay here
And laugh away the fear

Numb
Fine
You create a rarity of my genuine smiles

So breathe
Breathe with me
Can you drink all my thoughts?
'Cause I can't stand them

Ooh, oh
O-oh, oh, oh

Intertwined
Free
I've pinned each and every hope on you
I hope that you don't bleed with me

I'm afraid of the things in my brain
But we can stay here
And laugh away the fear

this is my fave masterpiece from Dodie Clark, or known as doddleoddle on Youtube. She's a genius; she often does song covers, and she also uploads lots of her originals. "Intertwined" is one of her originals that you can buy now on iTunes and Spotify, and like what I mentioned earlier, this is my most favorite song of hers.

contrary to the sweet vibes we get while we hear this song; this music video is rather 'dark' if I may say. but; I love it. I think this music video really got the whole meaning of the song. and boy I was right, Dodie explained the meaning behind the lyrics of this song and yes indeed, it's actually as dark as the music video. AND THAT'S WHY I LOVE IT EVEN MORE -sorry.

Dodie often says this in her video, how much she's been battling with herself for the past years. mental depression. the thing that most people will just laugh off and won't be considered as a big deal. I was one of those people; I laughed at my friend when she consumed an anti-depressan pills, but months later, turned out karma got me real bad because once I needed to consume them, too.

I once haven't eaten for three days; I was just in my room, crying-laughing-daydreaming-back to crying again. I once almost bleed my veins out of my left arm with the knife I just bought; once I almost jumped off a cliff. once I bought a tons of sleeping pills because turned out I was a coward and I wanted to die without feeling any pain.

that's the extreme people with mental depression can do. suicidal.

when I heard the lyrics, I can really fathom what Dodie tried to say through this song: companion. we all need companion; but people with mental depression not just need companion, they're yearning for one. however, the problem is, most of them are too afraid to talk. they don't wanna get "drama queen" "you're too much" "your problem isn't really a big deal, don't make such a big fuss out of them" -kind of responses. this was exactly what I did. I was just too afraid people would mock me for I wanted to end my life so badly just because some dumbass left me for another girl. but hey, they didn't know the whole story. they didn't feel the shoes I was in before.

yes, I'm craving for someone to be there for me, right now. like when the meaning of this song strikes me; I have no one to tell about it, that's why I poured it out on my blog. but I don't need someone to bleed with me. I want to meet him when I'm okay already. that's how I know, I can survive practically any kind of storm on my own.

eventhough now I have completely different mindset compared to what I had before, I still have a big concern for this particular issue. I don't know how to reach out to those people, or even to you; but let me tell you one thing: if you're battling with mental depression right now that you even had one thought to end yourself, I'm here. feel free to reach me through my email theunfinishedsky@gmail.com and I'd be there; whether you just want to be heard, or you want to be advised. you're not alone.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

May the stars align.

The hotel you're staying in is quite nice. It's got a lot of beautiful corners; to take pictures or to just be sat still, to observe the business around you and to whalow the air in.
"You're not saying goodbye to him?"

You've got your bags packed. But one thing's still left; the ending of your story. The main purpose of you telling him your sad poems. But as much as you want to stay behind, your guts are telling you to keep going and leave the rest of this to fate. As if.

"No, I'm not. The stars aren't aligned again, so maybe that was it. Maybe he should put his own ending to the story he heard."

You pull out the handle of your trunk, when your sight catches something that's out of the picture you usually see. Pink tullips so fresh that it's still got dews on it; and a cup of coffee above a notes. Some unfamiliar handwriting you catches a glimpse of; the writing of someone who was in a hurry. as if he didn't have any time left to write decently.

Just a simple sentence, tho.
"Can't wait to see you again, so I hope the stars would align."

You smile. You take that note and shove it inside your journal; and you sip that coffee until it's all gone. "Wait for me in the lobby, will you? I've got something to do."
You take that empty cup and you walk quickly to the front yard. The cafe is right in front of the hotel, but it's still closed at this hour. You sigh. You put that empty cup in the terrace's table; the one you sat in last night. You pull out your journal, carefully tear up a page in the middle. You're reaching for your pen and you start writing some sentences.
And then you leave.

--

The rain finally stopped. He reaches for his keys and opens the cafe; just then he sees that empty cup and the note. He approaches the table; he smiles so brightly when he sees whose handwriting is on that note. As his smile's disappearing while he's reading the words, one by one, his heart's racing.

I'm leaving today, but the end of my story can wait for you, if you like.
I'd be leaving at 20:45 this evening, by train.
Maybe the stars would align, and I'd meet you there?

This is the time he needs to finally decide; to just live like he does everyday or to race with the time, just to hear the end of that story.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Product Review: Polette Eyewear

About a month ago, Polette Indonesia was kind enough to send me a gift: they offered me a pair of gorgeous glasses in exchange of blog review and posts on my Instagram gallery. So, here we go: my honest opinion about the eyewear Polette sent me.

First, I'm gonna talk about the delivery service, so you won't be quite surprised since sometimes the model you ordered needs a bit of a time to arrive. The delivery itself took a quite long and complicated way. The packaging arrived in about a month after I got notified on an email that my order was complete. And turned out, Pos Indonesia didn't do a delivery for a package sent from abroad (in this case, the eyewear was sent from China). So, I had to come to Central Pos Indonesia to get the package by myself, and also I had to pay around 20k IDR for administration purpose. But that was okay by me.


I chose an eyewear called California View in the color pink, and when the package arrived, I squeaked like a seal. The box is uber cute! Totally worth the wait. Inside, you got a card, a cute printed fabric for glasses cleanup purpose, and of course, the glasses itself. And the vibes of the packaging is soo up to date, since we all know that tropical prints are really in trend right now.

To be honest, the size is quite small to my liking, since I'd usually prefer big-sized glasses. But turns out, it fits me really well. The quality of the glasses is really great, compared to its price! The handle is really solid, and the material is really good too. You can tell that this is an eyewear with good quality just by holding it. And the color is really cute, the pink matches my skin tone very well. I'm really into these kind of thin metal frames lately, and I really like this one I barely take it off. One more, tho: the shape is quite unique and irregular! I don't know the name of this shape; it's kinda like the heart shape but with no curve at the top.


I hope this honest review can really help you in choosing Polette as your eyewear! They also accept prescriptions so you don't need to go to another optician to have your eyewear fixed. I got mine in neutral, tho, because I wear eye contacts everyday.

So in conclusion, here are my pros and cons about Polette's California View.

Pros:
  • Uber cute packaging
  • The material's quality is really great
  • Unique, irregular shape that makes them standout from any other eyewear. Be bold with your statement! :D

Cons:
  • Long delivery; I guess this one has to do with the delivery courier (in this case, Pos Indonesia). I do really think they need to inform us at least when our package arrives, so that we don't need to check it out everyday.

I hope you enjoy my review. Good day!